So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Randomize
