Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
Fuck me I smell like cheese
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
