I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
that is very illegal...i love you.
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