Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
