Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
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