The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
