Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Alive.
So much puke
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
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