Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
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