apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
