Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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