My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
