either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize
