ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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