I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
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