Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
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