There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
Randomize
