You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
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