Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Terrible idea I love it
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
