omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
