Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
