I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
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