he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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