i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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