Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
