I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I did not marry a roomba.
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