Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Randomize
