Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
