How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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