You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
