so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
