Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I'm at about main and main street
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Randomize
