she woke up with a sticky ear
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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