am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
