I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
