SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
And then he peed in my hair
Randomize
