My balls are so social today.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Lmfao a voicemail screaming about you partying with your tits out and a text at 3 am saying you went too crazy... this should be a good one
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
