she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
Randomize
