I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Just pee around me
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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