Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
