he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
