His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
