Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
