Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
