You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Be still, my beating vagina.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
Randomize
