I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
