..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
