they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
Randomize
