i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My dick has a subreddit
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
