When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Crop dusting thru forever 21
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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