That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Randomize
